So this meme of sorts made it’s way around the internet a few weeks ago (KFC Radio did a great quickie on it), and it definitely poses some interesting and philosophical questions. Your answer reveals what your priorities are but I think it really depends on what stage of your life you’re in. Here’s my take assuming “a lot of money” = $10 million and “millions of followers” = 10 million followers.

1. Look 15 years younger

I just turned 24 last month, I don’t really have a desire to look 8/9 years old. I’m assuming that I will only look that young and can’t participate in youth sports or anything. This pill is probably very high on rankings for anyone 35+, especially women. For me, I’ll pass. Even if I was allowed to hold onto it for 15-20 years and take it then, no thanks. I’m hoping that I’ll be content with life by that point, no need to revert to younger ways, even if it would be nice to look good again.

2. Read minds for 3 days

I don’t even really understand the appeal to this one at all. 3 days is not nearly long enough to get what you would be looking for out of this ability. Also, ignorance is bliss. Admittedly, I tend care what people think about me too much, I don’t need to know any specifics. This would be cool for a weekend and a couple nights out to actually have any idea on who a girl is before shooting your shot but nothing beyond that.

3. Forget your ex

This pill would appeal to everyone very differently. Personally, I don’t see the draw. You pick the right 2 pills from the rest of the bunch and you won’t have any problem forgetting that old ex anyway. HARD PASS.

4.Eat without gaining weight

Ok, now we’re getting somewhere. Quick humble brag: I live like this anyway. I’m 6′2 and have only barely reached 190 twice in my life even though I’ve been trying to put on (good) weight since I was a 145 lb center in high school football. I can 100% see why people would pick this though. Stuff your face and not have to worry about it at all? I can imagine that’s a type of heaven for a lot of people not #blessed with a beast metabolism.

5. Add 5 cm to your height

For those of you who don’t know, 5 cm is right under 2 inches. Like I said, I’m 6′2 (with shoes on) and I don’t have much of a desire to be 6′4. If you’re a short guy (5′10 and under in my book) this is a MUST TAKE. For girls I have no fucking clue. If you’re anywhere more than a few inches shorter than me I assume you to be 5′7. You could be 4′11 and I’d still guess 5′7. Don’t have time to split hairs at that point. Also, short girls tend to be able to laugh about their size and make funny Instagram captions so I’m not even sure if they would want this.

6. Become super strong

For this one I’m going to assume you look super strong as well. Talking yolked up and cut up. I’d pick this over any of the first 5. Being strong would be sweet because, as a guy, there are few things that give you more confidence than impressing someone with physical strength. Conversely, I’ve been caught struggling with a pretty heavy door and that did not play well.

7. Have a lot of money

We are assuming this is $10 million. If you wanted to retire off that and chill, you could easily do it but that would rule out living that lavish lifestyle most people probably envision when they think about this option. That being said, having money gives you freedom, it’s the earning part that locks you down. I’d want to have some type of job to keep me occupied and keep my cash flow up if I had $10 mill but I would be taking trips all over the place very frequently. Money helps but doesn’t equal happiness which is why pill 8 is so important.

8. Always feel happy

To me this is a no-brainer. When you boil this hypothetical down, it’s really just asking you what would make you happy. To read into the wording, it says always “feel” happy, not always be happy which I guess could be different. But to me, perception is reality so I’ll be happy if I feel happy. I confused myself just writing that but this is my #1 choice and it’s not close.

9. Get millions of followers

If $10 million is a fish, 10 million followers is a fishing rod. With 10 million followers, you can make that kind of money no problem. Build your brand online and let the money roll in. Combo that with pill 8 and feel happy all the time (which would help you gain followers also IMO) and you’re set for a hell of a life.

My Official “Take Two Pills” Pill Power Rankings

  1. Always feel happy
  2. Get millions of followers
  3. Have a lot of money
  4. Get super strong
  5. Eat without gaining weight
  6. Add 5 cm to your height
  7. Look 15 years younger
  8. Forget your ex
  9. Read minds for 3 days

Gotta love a good hypothetical like this one. But at the end of the day, it’s important to know that these pills do not exist, you have to work for these things if you really want them. With the exceptions of: look 15 years younger (botox is no bueno), reading minds (it’s impossible, trust me), eating without getting fat (that’s just an eating disorder), and adding 5 cm to your height (Manny from Modern family couldn’t even do it). All you can do for yourself is choose to do your best everyday and stay the course.