If you were online at all yesterday, you probably saw this video:

Before I get into it, this song is a CERTIFIED FIRE JAM. Straight flames from beginning to end. Her ukulele rhythm harmonizes with her beautiful voice spitting rhymes perfectly, but, none of that is why this went viral.

Through this jam, she made a powerful statement about what it’s like to be a women in 2018 and urged people to vote. Voting is CRAZY important. I don’t care who you vote for, but young men and women sacrificed their lives for your right to do so as an American citizen. Vote November 6th.

But here’s what I want to talk about. The picture she paints through listing what she “can’t do” makes it seem like she has to navigate the world like it’s the zombie apocalypse. As if every man everywhere is literally on the prowl to commit sexual assault. Talk about chivalry being dead.

To make one thing VERY clear: there is no doubt that women must be far more aware of their surroundings than men when doing some of these things because there are some fucked up people out there. I’m just trying to clear the air, and hopefully give you a chuckle, as Clean Smoke does.

What she can’t do:

Walk to her car at night while on the phone

Kinda depends how far away your car is and the neighborhood you’re parked in, no? Anyway, It’s not impossible to be on the phone AND be aware of your surroundings. And I feel like car keys would be a fairly effective weapon.

Open windows when home alone

Does she live in Siberia? Or fear fresh air or wind? Can she physically not open a window home alone because it’s a 2-person job? In what world does an open window pose a threat, just because she’s a girl? Screens exist for a reason and if you’re that paranoid, get out your toolbox and drill some bars outside that window.

Go to the bar without a chaperone

Most people I know like to go to bars with friends. But I do miss field trip chaperones, they probably had no fun. If chaperone is more your style, than more power to you. Implying that she needs one is excessive.

Besides, one of, if not the first lesson you should have ever gotten about going out is to always be with at least a friend or 2 you know you can trust.

Wear a mini skirt if it’s the only one she owns

Like the only skirt or only mini skirt? Either way this is paranoia I’ll never be able to relate too as a guy. Just don’t worry about creeps who stare at your ass? I don’t know, maybe mini skirts just really aren’t for you.

Use public transportation after 7 pm

After 7:00!? Like when there is still a good portion of the grinding workforce also on this transportation? Get out of here. I don’t know why she picked 7:00 since PM would rhyme with her next line regardless. 11 PM would’ve been a FAR more acceptable time to plug in.

Be brutally honest when a guy slides into her DMs

You always have this option. He might get mad but that’s his problem, right? It would be nice of you to be gracious enough to just not answer or politely decline but if you’re more for ripping the band-aid and embarrassing him, do you.

Speaking from experience, it’s happened to me before, it stung, but was also very funny. Here it is in a nutshell:

Go to the club just to dance with her friends

Ok, while I can’t relate, I can see this one. Girls dress up, go out, just wanting to have fun with friends, and are hit on multiple times. But doesn’t that mean multiple free drinks? Seems like a good deal.

Leave her drink unattended

This is party rule #1 for anyone; guys, girls, whatever. Never leave your drink unattended, if you do, get a new one. Not specific to girls at all.

Live in an apartment on the 1st floor

So I guess this is the hypothetical apartment where she can’t have her window open. This is another egregious overstatement. I think she stretched for a couple of these just for the rhymes, I’m not complaining.

Wear silk pajamas when she answers the door

Umm, ok? Is there research that you’re more likely to be assaulted when wearing silk? This one confuses me. This may be another stretch because she needed this to rhyme with “floor”.

Have another drink even if she wants more

So no woman can ever have the amount of drinks they want? Like 1 more and all of the creeps, perverts, and assholes get notified and run to the bar? If that’s the case we have way bigger issues on our hands. You want more, have more. But as I already mentioned, have friends with you that you can trust! This is not a women thing.

Can’t make you feel invalid, unseen, or ignored

I mean yea that would be bullying! Right? Isn’t it 2018?

Jog around the city with headphones

Yea I’ve only seen like 25,000 girls do this, they must be some real daredevils.

Maybe her headphones just fall out when she jogs. Someone get this girl some high-quality, in-ear headphones to help her with this problem!

Speak out against my rapist after 35 years

Not really gonna get into this. Yes, you can. But evidence is obviously way harder to come by. In this country, you’re innocent until proven guilty.

Be taken seriously if she’s holding back tears

I would actually argue that this makes anyone take you seriously, depending on the context and situation. If you’re crying because you missed a lay-up at a pick-up basketball game, you won’t be taken seriously. But if I see anyone holding back tears when they’re talking to me, he or she has my undivided attention and I know shit is REAL.

Ever speak earnestly about all these fears

Well you just sang them earnestly! And honestly, it absolutely bangs.


Not trying to make any huge political statements here, just clearing the air.